Decisions
by SilverMooonshine
Summary: At his graduation, Benjy Fenwick contemplates the decisions that have affected his life so far, and makes one that will change his life forever.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter *sobs***

**Written for: **

**The Quiddich League Fanfiction Competition, Round 5 - '****Some Love for the Early Exiters.'**  
Character: Benjy Fenwick  
Life event: Graduation.  
**Position: Harpies, Chaser 2  
****Prompts: 1)(song) "When the Light Go Down" by Faith Hill  
3)(quote) No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit. Helen Keller  
12)(word) pristine  
Word Count: 2,923**

**Minor Character Boot Camp, prompt 18)Feast**

**Thanks a million to Amy (MissWitchx) for beta'ing!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

There was a nostalgic feeling in the air as the seventh years assembled for their graduation dinner. The kitchen elves had gone all out, preparing every dish imaginable. Gallons of pumpkin juice and platters laden with delicacies burdened the tables, and an excited buzz filled the air. The lower years would join them for the ceremony later, but for now it was a time for them to enjoy their last meal at Hogwarts without their incessant chattering.

Benjy looked around the sea of faces that he had shared his Hogwarts life with, all the way from stepping out on to the platform as terrified first years to this: their final night in the castle. He felt the pocket of his robes nervously, checking the piece of parchment he had received earlier that week was still there.

As delicious as the meal was, Benjy found that he could not focus. He hated ceremonies of this sort for one simple reason; they forced you to think. Think about the past, think about the future, think about who you are. Worse still, all that thinking led to the making of 'Big Decisions': the type that would define your life forever. And at seventeen, he was not ready to shape his life just yet.

As a boy, just like every other five-year-old wizard in the world, he had wanted to be a Quiddich player. He knew he could make it: his parents were always telling him how marvellous he was on his toy broom as he raced around the back yard.

Once he'd reached Hogwarts, he realised that his parents may just have been lying to him. His first flying lesson was one of the worst experiences of his life; he spent more time in a heap on the ground than actually in the air. As a Ravenclaw, he was used to succeeding in lessons with very little effort, and the fact that everyone in that class was better than him unnerved him. As he'd lain brooding in his dormitory that night, he had decided that he would definitely not become a Quiddich player, and instead use his supreme intelligence to better the world in some way that quiddich could never achieve. All that thinking that night lead to 'Big Decision Number One': He would make a difference.

The remains of the meal vanished, and in an instant an array of puddings took their place; everything from steaming treacle sponge to fifty different varieties of ice cream. The noise in the Great Hall died down suddenly as students began to tuck in. Benjy found however that he had begun to lose his appetite. Not wanting to appear like something was amiss; he served himself a large slice of chocolate gateau and began to push it around his plate. When he had made that decision all the way back in first year, he had had no idea of how it would affect his life. He wasn't the sort of person to make idle promises, especially not the ones he made to himself.

It was the first Big Decision that had pushed him to work hard in all his lessons, sitting up every night until midnight practising spells and perfecting essays. He figured that to make an impact, he would need a good education with excellent exam results, along with all the skills he would need to succeed in life. All of his hard work paid off, and he was consistently top of his class, admired for his intellectual brilliance even amongst his fellow Ravenclaws. The only flaw in this life was that it left him rather lonely. While the rest of the school went to watch quiddich matches or to Hogsmeade at the weekend, he would remain in the library, reading or researching something or other. At the time he had told himself it would be worth it, and he supposed that had been true. He had received Outstanding in every single OWL and NEWT exam. However, here he was, leaving school after seven years with no one he could really class as a friend who would miss him. It had never really bothered him though, he was pretty used to people ignoring him, which is why he had been particularly surprised by the events leading up to 'Big Decision Number Two'.

It was his fifth year, and OWLs had just finished. While the rest of his classmates saw this as a chance to relax, he had already begun to study the NEWT syllabus of the subjects he was taking, determined to get a head start. It was stiflingly hot in the library however, so he chose to take his books outside. Finding a spot under a beech tree next to the Great Lake, he settled down with his book, making notes as he went along.

It hadn't been long until the sound of girlish giggling reached him. Looking up, he saw Emmeline Vance and her gaggle of friends approaching him. She was the object of admiration for all of his year, her long dark hair flowing in perfect curls, contrasting with her sharp blue eyes. From the moment he'd seen her on the train she'd never left his mind. She was constantly there, taunting him with her unavailableness. Not that she played hard to get or anything, it was just, why would _she_ ever show any interest in _him_?

Yet there she was. He had felt his throat getting dry and his hands, clammy.

"Benjy?" Even her voice was beautiful. "My friend Hestia here was wondering if you'd like to go to Hogsmeade with her this weekend?"

He'd tried not to let the disappointment show in his face, but he was sure he felt it drop. "I'm sorry, I can't." he stated simply.

"Why not? It's not like you have any other plans?"

He blushed furiously. "It wouldn't be fair - not when I love another. Especially when it's one of her best friends."

He honestly didn't know what in the name of Merlin had made him say it. To this day he blamed the heat, if he was in his right mind there would be absolutely no way ever that he would ever have said that. But he had - the words had left his mouth - evidenced by both the distraught look on Hestia's face and the stunned, angry one on Emmeline's.

"Well I assume from the way that you're now refusing to meet my eye you mean me?" she demanded. He stayed silent. "Ask me out then - it's not difficult."

"Um… Emmeline… would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"

"I'll meet you in the Three Broomsticks at twelve."

He'd sat there in stunned silence for an hour at least, and even when he'd tried to get back to work he'd been unable to focus. He'd been on one date prior to that, and it had been a complete disaster. Hopefully this would be different.

Saturday rolled around, and he arrived at The Three Broomsticks an hour early, unable to stand pacing his dormitory and longer. He grabbed a booth, sitting down carefully in order not to crease his pristine robes. He ordered a butterbeer. Drank it. Ordered another one. Drank that one too. The clock on the wall struck twelve. Ordered a pumpkin juice. Drank that. The seconds and minutes ticked by until an hour had passed. Looking back he should have realised she had stood him up, was teaching him a lesson for turning down her friend so harshly. But at the time his mind came up with a thousand reasons why she could be late. After three hours, five butterbeers, two flagons of pumpkin juice and a shot of firewhiskey that the bartender had placed in front of him with a piteous look in his eyes, he could come to only one conclusion: she had forgotten him.

He knew he wasn't exactly the most noticeable person. He sat quietly in a corner, never got into trouble, and preferred his own company to that of others. He was the one whose name teachers would struggle to remember, who could skip a party and not be missed, whose face people recognised but they couldn't tell you anything about him. It was as he sat there with only these depressing thoughts for company that he made Big Decision Number Two: He would be remembered.

The sound of Professor Dumbledore clearing his throat roused him from his memories and brought him back to the present.

"I trust you all enjoyed your last meal here, and I would like to thank the house elves for such a marvellous feast." This was met with nods and murmurs of approval from all around the hall. "I would now like to welcome in the rest of the school for the graduation ceremony." At this the great double doors opened, and the students filed in formally, each carrying a candle. Once the last one had come though, the candles floated up to a chorus of 'oooh's and 'aaah's to join the ones already floating there. It seemed as if the ceiling was alight. As if they were sat in the middle of a star.

"Welcome one and all to the graduation of our seventh year students. They have contributed much to the school, and I am proud of each and every one of them. I am sure that they will all have a million fond memories of this school to take with them, but it is now time to look to the future. The future may look dark at the moment, but I urge you all to stay positive. There is no use in despair, for it is the mother of failure. No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit. This is why you must remain hopeful, and believe that you can make a difference. You will all have a fantastic future ahead of you for you are all gifted, however only those of you who remember these words will be truly special, will be remembered."

Benjy could have sworn that at that moment Dumbledore's eyes met his, sparkling over his half-moon glasses. The moment was over in a second however, and the headmaster clapped his hands together. "Now to award your certificates."

Benjy watched as one by one his classmates went to collect their scrolls, until it was his turn. He shook the hands of each of his teachers, before reaching Professor Dumbledore at the end of the raised platform. As the headmaster took his hand and gave him the scroll, he murmured quietly, "I hope to be seeing you after?" Benjy gave a non-committal smile, took his scroll and returned to his seat.

The trouble with the big decisions he had made so far is that they hadn't really pointed him down any particular career paths. At the career day in fifth year he had been round to every stall, watching as his fellow students got excited about realising their dream of becoming a healer or an Auror. None of them had really stuck out to him though. It had never particularly troubled him. He always had the routine of school to fall back on, it was always a decision that could be made another day. He was out of days now, and still had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. He knew one thing for certainthough. He would not be going to see the headmaster after. He had watched that week as owls dropped off identical envelopes to his to Fabian and Gideon Prewett, to Emmeline and to Hestia Jones. That was all very well. They were the type of people who got involved, who were brave and noticeable. He was none of these things.

The last student received his scroll, and the seventh years rose to leave. There would parties in all of the common rooms tonight - which of course he would avoid - and then the train tomorrow. Then it would all be over. He headed out into the corridor, choosing to take the long way round to avoid the usual crush on the stairs. He was halfway to the common room when he heard whimpering coming from behind a tapestry.

Drawing it aside, he saw a small Hufflepuff, only in first year judging by the size of her. She lay on her front as if thrown there; her hair was knotted in a way that implied that someone had grabbed it roughly, with one chunk missing completely. Her face was tear stained, her eyes sheened with pain. What drew his attention however was the slowly growing pool of blood surrounding her. He slowly pulled back her robe to reveal her back, where the blood seemed to be seeping through. He gasped in horror.

_Mudblood_. The word had been carved cruelly into her flesh by dark magic if the black edge to the words were anything to go by. He could feel the heat radiating off it, could see her face getting paler with every passing second. Instinctively, he gathered the girl up in his arms, trying his best to block out the screams of pain as her back came into contact with the fabric. He sprinted to the hospital wing, pushing past startled students. He placed her carefully on the bed, and hurriedly explained to Madam Pomfrey what had happened.

He stood anxiously next to the girl while Madam Pomfrey got to work, applying potion after potion to the girl's scarred back. Finally, she gave the girl a sleeping draught, and turned to face him. "Five minutes. No more." She turned on her heel and disappeared into her office.

He sat there, looking at her innocent face, still contorted in pain. While the fact that people could do this disgusted him, what truly horrified him was that there was no one there to protect this girl, that _he_ couldn't protect her. Despite all of his studying and good grades, he wasn't able to protect those who were most vulnerable. Without thinking, his fingers reached for the piece of parchment in his robes.

_Dear Mr Fenwick,_

_As I am sure you are aware, you will be graduating this week. You may not be fully decided as to what you want to go on to do after this graduation, but I would like to offer you another option. I have been impressed with the skill you have shown, and would like to extend my invitation to join the Order of the Phoenix following your leaving of the school. I will not go into detail here, but this is an organisation which has been founded by me to try to oppose the rising Lord Voldemort. Should you be interested, please come to my office at 8pm on Friday evening. The password is 'gobstoppers'._

_Professor Dumbledore_

He looked up at the clock. It was two minutes to eight. It was there, in the darkened hospital wing, that he made the biggest 'Big Decision' of his life so far; the one that encompassed both previous decisions, 'Big Decision Number 3': To join The Order of the Phoenix.

He jumped to his feet and began to race down the corridors. He wasn't going to make it in time. Rounding the final corner, he all but screamed the password at the gargoyles. He bounded up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and crashed through the door. Panting, he looked up at his headmaster, whose eyes were twinkling at him with the corners of his mouth pulled up in a smile. "Mr Fenwick, it's not like you to be late."

The next morning was clear and crisp, and the seventh years headed straight down to the lake. They were all a bit weary eyed, most having got very little sleep. Even Benjy Fenwick, renowned party avoider, had stayed up until the sun rose dancing with the Ravenclaws.

"Oi, Fenwick!" He looked up to see Fabian, or maybe it was Gideon, calling to him. They were climbing into a boat along with Caradoc Dearborn, another wizard who had been in attendance last night. He grinned at them, and rushed over to climb in.

"That's it! No more'n four to a boat!" Hagrid's booming voice sounded above all of the taking. "Everyone in? Right then – forward!"

The boats jolted forwards, gliding across the lake. Benjy smiled to himself. He thought about what Dumbledore had told them last night. He said that it was in the darkness, when the lights go down, the truth is all you see, and if you feel a hole inside your soul you find out what you're made of. Benjy has discovered, in the darkness of the hospital wing, that he was made of stronger stuff than he had thought, that he was ready to stand up and fight. In the darkness of his mind last night, he'd discovered that the only truth was that he was holding himself back. And now he'd let go.

He turned round in the boat, remembering the first glimpse of Hogwarts on the reverse of this journey nearly seven years ago. In some ways he was still that small boy, and a part of him wanted the boats to reverse so he could remain at Hogwarts forever. But he'd made his decision now, and he was going to make a difference, to be remembered. He was a member of the Order of the Phoenix.


End file.
